9. PART 2: IT IS NOT ONLY ABOUT US, BUT MOSTLY THEM.

Numbers 14:31 “But your little ones, who you said would become prey, I will bring in, and they shall know the land that you have rejected.”

I have been defied by the crowd of ants invading my property. I am pounded by these creatures and somehow mystified by how they manage to be undefeated. These very tiny beings have intelligent strategies that left a message in my mind. In as much as I try to keep the house clean, and close their entries, they always find another way. In the early mornings, I would be greeted by the marching unified swarms, boldly taking over my kitchen and very determined to fulfill their mission.

CAN WE DO DIFFERENTLY?

Yes, and we can do it all right in all areas of our lives.  My first writing was about “Masking is a grave”, where I had given an image of being emotionally blinded. But now I want to rough through a short story of my late parents and my youth life.

Both my late parents were born from struggling families and were brought up in time of segregation. I am not going to dive deep on this as it is not about racial deprivation on good systems of making the world a better place for all. Times were tough for them to further with their schooling. So, they were forced to seek employment. They met and got married and lived an incredibly challenging life. I do not want to share their environment of each ones’ home and relationships, but I can say that “a bad painful past can become a happy story”.

This is what I observed. I saw a man that was crying but had no words to express what was troubling him. The father that wanted to do best for his family. Means were enough to offer the best he could, but in his mind, it was not meeting his expectations. The pressure of him to have not dealt with his painful past, his failed dreams, adding us (his children and his wife) was too much to bear, resulting in him leaving for some years. While I was still studying him, I looked on my other side. Here is a woman who is hurt and disappointed by his actions, the breadwinner is now hardly available. She had her own share of hurtful past, also not dealt with, and talents that never saw sunlight. She is trying to keep the house warm and be the best mother she could, but she is struggling. Her words are many to be understood, but she stayed.

And there was me, in my youth. Here is a young woman imitating what was modeled in front of her eyes. Developing to be her mother’s replica and attracting her father’s version in man. She carries her parent’s sorrows in her mind unknowingly and is experiencing her own troubles. This young woman is not only struggling in her relationships but all areas of her life. She is also caught up by the pressures of life, struggling to keep it together, and she ends up living under a mask.

The recess came to an end, it was time to come back home. The house was then filled by voiceless broken people, each one’s mind is in its war zone, hiding their true feelings and emotions, but not for long. No matter how good you think you are at hiding, your hiding place becomes smaller as you normally pile up unresolved issues. It is those past painful wounds that do not get healed. With time it gets extremely septic and ruptures to heat your urges, then the outburst of negativity surfaces.

Moving forward, I joined motherhood 15 years ago…

God gave assurance, showed faithfulness, and made Himself known to the Israelites in Egypt (end of the bad relationship through the plagues), in the Red Sea (the crossing over to the new beginnings), In the wilderness (decluttering and rebuilding). It was all for them to stay on course in their transformation from the old ways, then transition to easily adapt to the new life, by daily developing and positively actioning the new ways of living. They were physically free from oppression but mentally and emotionally chose to remain in captivity. Resistance to change is a foolish choice with results of missing the opportunities of growing your blessings, and we can do differently.

Proverb 22:6 “Train up a child in a way he should go, when he is old, he will not depart from it”.

I lived under masking foolishly and looked like I had it together, conflicted within as I was controlled by urges and blinded by pride to normalise my behaviours. My emotional blindness continually surfaced in my parenting journey. In as much as I was teaching my child good ways of living, I struggled to lead by example. I was saddened to see some repetition of my emotional behaviours from my child. Hypocritically teaching him the good deeds I struggled to present. I was losing a grasp and unaware that I was slowly burying his positive innocent spirit and I needed to bring him back.

Had I not taken steps to transformation, I would be still sadly captured by the old past. That would have kept the wounds of past displeasures alive, and my son would have grown to become a reflection of my past internal turmoil. I needed to change myself first with the purpose of bringing him back whilst still very young. Forgiveness and healing allowed opportunity of starting over. I stepped into the foundation phase of learning, to flex my mind and be willing to learn all of that from the child. I observed the child positive qualities from my son first and embed those qualities back to him.  Learning how to revive my weakened childlike minded qualities from my child (Luke 18: Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it”) empowered me to continually be able to lead him by example and break free from the generational curses of the past.

If we can stop judging ourselves harshly and start loving ourselves, we would be aware that our transformation is not only about us, but mostly to save our children. Our children are the future, tomorrow belongs to them and we need to plant good seeds in them. God wants us to remain undefeated. He wants us to be overcomers of adversities. When we reach barriers, He wants us to always find another way wisely, and sail in our detours boldly and determined. The goal is to be cooperative to phases of transformation and always remember the good God had done (bitter water made sweet, bread from heaven, water from the rock etc), for us to not waiver in our transitional passage.

We are the change makers, making this world a better place for generations to come, and taking the guardianship role positively. Since, it is not only about us but mostly them. And, let us model qualities we would be proud to see our children follow.

Let Us Embrace The Change.

May We All Stay Blessed