12. WILDERNESS, A GLASS-HALF-FULL

Matthew 9: 16-17 “No one puts a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch tears away from the garment and a worse tear is made. Neither is new wine put into old wineskins. If it is, the skins burst and the wine is spilled, and the skins are destroyed. But new wine is put into fresh wineskins, and so both are preserved.”  

ALONE IN TRANSITION

When my son was in the second grade, he wanted help on the presentation of a metamorphosis of a butterfly.” Hearing the word metamorphosis left me mentally paralyzed, but knowing my son, he will find it amusing if I would ask him the meaning of the word. I was not going to let him call me cavewoman; besides, I have vague memories of my foundation phase in the class, except for lunch breaks. Thank goodness for civilization, my mobile came in handy for me unnoticed. 

Metamorphosis, a word full of hope.

I want to touch on one phase of the butterfly in its transformational cycle, which was incredibly challenging for me to relate to. Chrysalis, of which to me it meant alone in transition.

“In all God’s creation, humans in the honor of dominating nature, sometimes struggle to trust their own intuition. Nature is created to respond to its transformational cycle, purely reliant on other systems. Our planet earth rotates once in 24 hours to give a full day. Those many days feed the tilting process of the planet earth to evolve to each season, leading to a full year that propels us to age one more year. When the caterpillar reaches the chrysalis phase, it mindfully searches the secure place away from harm to pupate. Inside that cocoon it slowly naturally mutates, trusting and using this moment wisely, shedding the past experiences of being a caterpillar, and striving to be better than yesterday. There is no choice of edible leaves or plants. Whatever it ate during the larva phase, has substantial nutrients to sustain it in its chrysalis period. It has no knowledge and is not worried about how it will turn out to be.”

In as much as I was dissatisfied with my life, I felt defeated and saw no hope in my dreams ever coming through. My life changed when I received a tantalizing foretaste of the life I could live, and I wanted more of it. I gave up my life, I followed Jesus Christ and He took me through the process of my transformation.

Nothing is as easy as it seems or as you hear about it, but nothing is impossible through Christ our Lord: Philippians 4:13

In the past year, I attended a training in Change Management, and I learnt about Elizabeth Kübler- Ross Grief Cycle. I must say, it was very insightful to go deep into those stages of grief trying to find myself, but particularly challenging and embarrassing to relate and accept that I was in distress. Reaching a phase of transitioning alone, became a wrestle that I lost. I found myself bargaining with God, holding on strongly to things, ways, and people He wanted me to let go of. Yes, I wanted a new life but how possible could it be in my age, background, and mistakes I made, etc. I mean my life was unstable, wrecked finances, lifeless relationships, at least I wanted to resuscitate some part of my life on my own.

What an implausible excuse of lies, let me just say it, “I did not believe in myself, and I was afraid”

Do not doubt what you have in your hands, and not once should you talk yourself out of your inheritance: Exodus 4: 2

My first writing, “Masking is a grave”, I wrote about my emotional blindness, my excessive selflessness, and how I struggled to rescue myself. Letting go of control and accepting the cocoon phase enlightened my eyes to understand the effects of my choices. Primarily, the purpose of transitioning alone was to reflect and see the glass half-full even in that cocoon. It was to transition out of the old mindset to be the new optimistic mindful person. Formerly, I was unintelligent and misused my inheritance, negatively perceiving them insufficient for me to initially take steps closing a gap to reach my goals. God led me to my blank canvas (Habakkuk 2:2) with a question of “why was I rejecting and destroying what was given to me?” A changed mindset is immensely powerful. I looked at myself differently, with a lot of self-love. But amazingly God wanted me to look deeply into how I can emotionally relate to the blessings that were in front of me.  Firstly, it was imperative that I begin with the most important gifts we all receive, however the amount. The value of time, and value of resources.

Was I investing towards my goals, what were the returns?

You have an unlimited resource; one talent is enough to open many doors: 1 Samuel 17:49

The wilderness seems dry, deserted, and has no activities, but you never run low on essentials. It is that phase of self-introspection, devising new ways on exploiting your given time and resources, towards reaching your goals. It sheds off the old you. You daily have self-positive affirmation that changes your mind, and you work hard and continue to work until someone comes and change to improve your system (Exodus 18:13-23). It trains you to recognize, appreciate and use wisely the opportunities that comes your way. Be optimistic, allow yourself time to go through all stages of grief and transformation. Learn from your past but mostly this day, this moment is enough on its own. Do not be afraid of working alone, it gives your perspective of knowing yourself, your weaknesses, and your strengths

Metamorphosis, a word full of hope,

Filling the half-full glass is uplifting. Enjoy the journey.

MAY GOD BLESS US ALL